Some of the many reasons we struggle as solo moms can be traced back to how we love ourselves.
In Part 1 of the series: Why Solo Moms Struggle, I talk about my 3 tips to embrace self-love.
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[00:00:00] J. Rosemarie: This is part one of a series I call why you struggle as a solo mom. I've been thinking a lot lately about why solo moms who struggle and I've written a blog post about it because I realized that there are some basic reasons, some basic foundational reasons why we struggle as solo, single divorced mom. And I wanted to talk about this because this has been on my heart quite a bit. And the number one reason, I think we struggle as solo moms is that we don't love ourselves. We don't have an awareness of self-love and there's several. Aspects to that. And several reasons why I think that self love is a big problem for us. So what is self-love is when you prioritize your own wellbeing, because you have to have an appreciation of who you are as a person. So I think one of the biggest problems with not [00:01:00] being self-aware and not loving yourself is that we don't see ourselves as God sees us.. And what I mean by that is that to God we're precious. He, as humans, we're precious., God calls us all kinds of nice names, but we sometimes struggle with that because our paths we've had some real horrible past traumatic past, and sometimes. Childhood trauma, but sometimes you see people in our lives that as a, let us down and as you know, really beaten us down a life has really trembled in us. And there are many days I wondered if there really is a God, even though I was a Christian, I, you know, so it's something we struggle with. Self-loathing and this lack of loving who we are as a person. So I wanted to address that once we start to see ourselves, as God sees us, our mind will take a different [00:02:00] turn because most of it is a mindset thing. Now you have to see yourself as somebody special. David said in Psalm 1 39. For I am fearfully and wonderfully made wonderful or thy works. My soul knows it well., I liked her phrase that for am fearfully and wonderfully made, and don't try to know it. The other thing is that when we go through life being beaten up. Being rejected and abandoned. We feel that we are not worthy of love. We're not worthy of good thoughts or self-love. And I want to tell you that your mistakes are in the past, right? As far as God is concerned, they're in the past. And if you don't believe me, there's a story I wanna tell you about in the Bible. You probably know about it. It's John. Three to 10. And it's about the woman caught in adultery. And back in the day, if you were caught in adultery, the law said you [00:03:00] were to be stoned to death. And so all these scribes and Pharisees came to Jesus and said, you know, we caught her committed adultery and the loss that we should stone her. So when you say, and it was some kind of trick to get. So say something, you know, so they could do what they want to do with him. But Jesus ignored him for a minute. He bent down is right on the floor and then he got up and he said, you have no sin. You throw the first stone. And so once he said that he went back to writing on the ground, he looked up after a few minutes and everybody was gone and he said, where are they? They didn't condemn you? And she said, no, Lord. They left. And Jesus said, neither do I condemn thee. So I say that the city. That it doesn't matter what you've done. If, if you your rock with guilt and self-loathing, there's no reason, there's no reason to feel that way. Another story is the story of the slave woman in Abraham and Sarah's household and Sarah Gardner.[00:04:00] Abraham's son, but they were old and Sarah couldn't wait to Sarah told Abraham to go sleep with his slave. I mean, he did, and they had a son, but after that, Sarah did receive the promise son. And one day they were all, they were all out and Haggar. The name of the slave was LA. Sarah saw that. And she didn't like that. So she said, no, we need to get rid of her. You need to get rid of them. And so Abraham took Hagar and Ishmael out in the wilderness and left them out in the desert and left them. And they run out of water and had hugger thought that she was going to die. Our child was going to die. She was, I single moms, you know, we only care about children. We don't care about herself. She was just worried about her child dying. And so she put the child away and then she went off. And God heard the child crying. God came and told her, you know, where to look and she found water so she could give it to the child. And God made promises to her about her son. And so it tells me [00:05:00] that even as a single mom who slept with somebody else, she may not have had a choice, but that's what she did. Somebody else's husband, God still helped her. Right. And so it proves to me, these stories prove to me that God loves us. And the onus is on you to love yourself. Now, I hear a lot of stories about. Nobody wants to hear about God or about church or about that. I didn't say anything about church, but I understand the brokenness that comes with church membership. A lot of people suffered at the hands off people who are supposed to embrace us and love us. And when we stumbled there, we're supposed to be there to help us cushion the fall. But rather they were like, everybody. The knife and this stick and beat us up. And so you have an ingrained this like for anything to do with God, but just remember they weren't God, there were people. And [00:06:00] once we get beyond the far, right, no matter who they are, whether they are. Or pass or whatever they call themselves profit, whatever. They are just people and people fail. People do buy things. Okay. So don't get it twisted. God is not your mom or your dad who was one of those, you know, Bible thumpers. So I don't want to beat this up, but you know, I just wanted to say that if that's your thing, don't let people rob you of your inheritance. The second point I wanted to make on the Delft law is that you need to have more positive. Self-talk stop talking to yourself negatively in the tongue is life and death. So you decide you choose life and in choosing life. Positivity into your life. Talk good to yourself. And I heard somebody said, if someone treated you, like you treat you, would you want to be your friend? So don't treat [00:07:00] yourself bad by talking bad to yourself. You know, I'm no good. I'm washed up. And there's a, so many words that we use to describe ourselves on a daily basis. And can you imagine if you, you told your child those same words, What kind of long-term effect that has on them. And it's possible. You had people in your life who didn't speak, didn't speak peace and choose some blessing in your life, but they call you names and they beat you up with their, with their time. Don't be like that. Don't beat yourself. With your tongue, be nice to yourself. Speak positive speaking, light, speak life into your own life. I can't say that often enough because it's something I used to do. I've gotten to the point where I've decided to just start listening to different preachers speak. [00:08:00] Motivational don't matter what, who they are, as long as the words are positive. And I repeat them because I am blessed. I am highly favored and the truth of God is in me. And so I am not going to go around putting poison in myself because that's what your words will do because your brain and your mind and your body will absorb that that's energy. Sending out and it comes back to you. So don't, don't, don't, don't speak negative to yourself. And one of my solution apart from listening to positive motivational speeches is to turn that around and start being. For practice gratitude. Like I, there are days I get up and I may be sometimes just not feeling good about myself, but I will stand out, wash my face, brush my teeth, mess up my hair and just standing for and in the mirror and [00:09:00] struck a pose and tell myself, oh, beautiful. Because if you don't tell yourself how beautiful you are, how do you expect other people to tell you that? And there are times when. Get up, my eyes will pop open and I was like, thank you, Jesus, I'm awake. I'm alive. I'm going to tell you a story. I was at a job and I left the job and the lady who took over from my job, she went to bed one night and she didn't wake up the next morning and she was younger than I am. So be grateful, find something to be grateful for every single day. I'm going to give you a pointer. So how to do that and keep going. And when you love yourself, you will teach others. You will show others. You'll expressed others. How to love you. My last point is don't allow other people to treat you bad. I'm not sending you into a fight, but those passive-aggressive [00:10:00] friends. That I'm overbearing parent or in law, those men that claim the love you, but call you names that shouldn't be uttered by somebody who claims. They love you don't take it. Don't stand, don't live with it. Right? And if you can't physically remove yourself from the situation, then you have to mentally move yourself from the situation. And my point too, about talking positively to yourself and being grateful will help you block out all that negative energy until you can get yourself physically away from the situation, because that situation is not going to. And I know sometimes we carry all this burden from, from the abandonment and from the, the issues we've had, if we've been divorced, because we wonder why the words and the negative words play over and over and [00:11:00] over in our mind, don't do that. Don't let them do that. I had a guest on my show the other day and Dr. Roberta Shayla, and she called his people hijack. Because they hijack you're alive. You are the one, or allowing them to do that because you allow the poison to seep into your mind. And she, the guy who called you a bitch and a hole is wrong. So whose report are you going to believe? Because God says you're a chosen generation and you are a Royal priesthood. So whose report are you going to believe? So don't allow. People to tell you who you are, you live as God sees you and tell you who you are, you decide who you are. And then, and then you will start to find ways. To express, love [00:12:00] to yourself. I have a download, a free donut. It's not my own. I borrowed it. It's the 10 scrolls by augment Dino. And they're just motivational things that you could repeat on a daily basis. And it's a challenge. So you could make it your own adapted for yourself. I want you to today begin a new life. This is. Oh, I meant in a series. I call why you struggle as a solar mom. I mentioned earlier these 10 scrolls by augment Dina, I've put the link below. Like it said, it's not my creation, but it's something that's available for download. And I do recommend, the second thing I wanted to say is I recommend that you get a journal. Book something to write down daily affirmation, whether you're using poles, Bible verses, or your own boards that you've made up, write them down, write down what you're grateful for. Get up every day and write down what you're grateful for. Journaling is a great [00:13:00] way to keep track of your. It really helps your mental wellbeing. That is what the experts say. So I hope that helps if this series resonates with you, why solo moms struggle, please follow this podcast. So, you know, when new episodes become available, thank you. Thanks for listening, whatever you're going through in life. Whatever happened. Don't forget, you're never alone and you don't have to parent in silence. Join our next monthly meetup. When mothers come together and talk to each other and empathize with each other. It's a safe place where you can, where we can discuss issues that affect or the solar moms. So there's a like bingo, Friday, February 18, at 6:30 PM. Eastern standard time. We just hang out, have some fun and just retreat a [00:14:00] little from the chaos.
See you there.