Healing Your Heart The Power of Forgiveness for Single Moms

J. Rosemarie Francis (00:00) What emotion are you struggling with today?

In season seven, in three or four episodes, I talked about emotions that plague solo moms. And in this episode, I cover the emotion or the challenge we face sometimes as solo single moms, forgiveness. J. Rosemarie Francis (00:26) Hello, Solo Mom, how are you? I hope you're doing well today. I want to take a break from our regular interview format to talk about a topic that I'm dealing with in my upcoming devotional. And that is a topic that we often talk about as single moms. The reason I want to talk about this is because first of all it's part of a series I did on the podcast In season seven, I covered anger in the Why Are You Angry? episode, and that's episode 40. I covered fear in episode 41, season seven, episode 41. What would you do if you weren't afraid? Then in. episode 42, season seven, I talk about is worry the thief of your peace. And so I want to continue this trend where I'm talking about the different emotions that we struggle with as humans, but I'm especially three, on single moms and how we struggle. with these emotions. Today's topic is forgiveness. And forgiveness is allowing your pain to heal, allowing your hurt to heal. Forgiveness from my perspective is not about the other person, it's about me. And so I wanna deal with that topic today. Now, what does it mean to forgive? We sometimes think that forgiving means letting the other person off the hook or letting them get away with something. But really and truly, forgiveness, forgiving someone has nothing to do with you unless it's about forgiving yourself. Because we not only need to forgive others, we need to forgive ourselves as well. And maybe that's even more important to address, forgiving ourselves. So I want to quickly talk about forgiving others why you would and what happens when you don't. So as a divorced mom, I've experienced a lot of pain and a lot of pain that was inflicted by another person. As a child abandoned by her parents, I have experienced a lot of pain. And as someone who's been betrayed by loved ones, I carried a lot of hurt for quite some time. And one of my biggest fights throughout my life has been with my mom. And there was a time when I was so angry with her that I cut her off and I wouldn't talk to her. just didn't want to be bothered because each time I talked to her, it brought up the pain and it kept reoccurring, this reoccurring nightmare. And so I cut her off and I just didn't want to be bothered with feeling that kind of pain. And truth is I was hiding from the pain because it hurt too much. But the day I decided that I was going to forgive her and that decision didn't come easy. I almost had a stroke after getting off the phone with her because of all the yelling and the anger. And I almost had a stroke and it was at that moment, that was the defining moment that I decided that I couldn't let people do that to me. I couldn't let anyone else affect me so much. that it would destroy my health, destroy my life. And so I made a conscious decision to forgive her. Didn't have anything to do with her. I didn't pick the phone up and call her and tell her I forgive her. I just did. And I prayed to God. I said, God, I am ready to forgive because I can't bear this pain anymore and I don't want to die. Right? And so that's how I came to that realization. And I was free. I was relieved. I didn't have this burden. And the truth is if she had picked up the phone and called me like maybe an hour after, I would have talked to her calmly and peacefully and not be angry like I always was. The other forgiveness that I want to touch on is forgiveness of self because it's one of the things that we struggle with as single moms. I talk about guilt. in the devotion and I talk about how we blame ourselves for the breakup and the fact that our child may be growing up without daddy around. Even if it has nothing to do with you, like maybe your spouse passed away, you may absorb some guilt because you just You just worry that your child is growing up without daddy. And so I'm in here to encourage you to let go and forgive yourself and forgive others. The third thing I want to talk about is forgiving those who have wronged you, not just from a marriage or relationship point of view, but one of the big thing that I've heard from women that I've interviewed is that they they've had issues with people that they go to church with and some of us grew up in the church and you know our lives was entrenched in the church and it was work it was school and church and it was work and church and it was always church right and so the people who you grew up around. You were always around. Sometimes they were at your house for dinner or you were at their house for dinner. But guess what? Those people are still humans. There's nothing special about them except for the fact that they may have accepted Christ as their savior. Some of them did, some of them did not. And so we have to understand that when we're hurt by church people, Yes, it's very, it's deep hurt. It's just like family hurting us, right? That we need to take a step back and realize that these people are just people too. And two things about that. Jesus said, the wheat tend the tears have to grow together? We don't have a choice in the matter. We don't get to decide who goes where. Number one and number two. He admonishes us, Paul admonishes us in, I believe it's Ephesians 4.32, to be kind and to forgive our brethren because Christ has forgiven us. You think of your life, what you've done, what you've not done, the kind of life you've lived. And Christ, one, he knew about it. way back when. Nothing you do or did surprise him and it's no secret to him. But yet still, God sent his son to die for your sin. And he didn't ask, he didn't come to you and say, what did you, what did you do to deserve me forgiving you? Tell me why I should forgive you. God didn't, God didn't do that. Jesus didn't do that. Jesus took the beating, took the spitting. took the kicking, took the lashing, took the jeering, the mocking, and the hanging up on the cross with nails in his hand for you, for me. And yeah, you didn't ask him to do it, but he did it because he knew he had to, and he did. And so he's asking us the same way I forgive you, I'm asking you to forgive him. her or yourself, right? Because you are a person too. And as tough as it is, we're gonna have to because at the end of the day, forgiveness is about us. The person who is doing the forgiving is the one who benefits the most. Because one, the person who has done wrong may not know that they've done wrong or they may know but don't care. And so you can't control people. You can only control yourself because unforgiveness in your heart is like having a sore that each time it scabs over, pick it. It bleeds again, you pick it. until you forgive, that hurt will never go away. That you can say you don't care. You can turn your back on it. You can close your eyes to it, turn a deaf ear to it. You can pretend it doesn't exist. That hurt, that pain will one day bubble up. And unfortunately, it could come back to hurt somebody who you didn't mean to hurt. Your kid, your loved ones, a new spouse, you know, someone who didn't deserve you lashing out at them. And I encourage you to go back and listen to those episodes I mentioned. And I ask you to look out for my devotional that's coming out. It specifically targets these words, these emotions that we as single mom experience during the time of rearing our children. And I think that once we come to the realization that we are loved, we are special, we are his masterpiece. And again, this has nothing to do with what you think, what you believe, or anything like that. You are who you are and you had nothing to do about it. You didn't have anything to do with.

coming to this earth, being born and being a person. So in that respect, I am grateful to you for watching, listening, and taking some time to step back and reflect on whether or not your unhappiness, your diminished joy, or your dim light is due to the fact that someone has hurt you and you have not yet forgiven them. I'm Jeros Marie Francis. I'm a podcast host and I'm a mentor of Single Moms. So if you want to talk, I'm here and I've been through some things and we can talk about it. You know, no obligation, also let me know what you think of this topic and what I've said. And if you're watching this on YouTube, I ask you to subscribe or like or share it with somebody. And if you're listening to it on the podcast, I appreciate the review. Thank you.