Love Yourself First: Rediscovering Your Worthiness After Heartbreak

Introduction

You’ve probably heard it all before: “You need to heal before you date again.” But what does that really mean? And how can you possibly find time to heal when you’re juggling solo parenting, work, and your own emotions?

The truth is, healing after heartbreak isn’t just about preparing for your next relationship. It’s about rediscovering your worthiness, building emotional resilience, and creating a life filled with peace and purpose.

On the podcast, Season 7 Episodes 40, 41, & 42], I explore the idea that we're unable to control emotions like worry, fear, anger because of deep seated trauma. I also, discussed in Episode 43 what it takes to be ready to date. 

Why Healing From Past Relationships Matters

Jesus once said, “Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined” (Matthew 9:17, NIV).

In the context of relationships, this means entering a new partnership with unresolved pain and emotional baggage can cause the relationship to “burst.” Unhealed wounds often lead to repeating toxic cycles like choosing partners who aren’t good for you, feeling unworthy of love, or sabotaging the relationship out of fear of what might happen. 

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found a clear link between unresolved trauma and difficulties forming healthy relationships. Similarly, a 2024 report from the American Psychological Association showed that individuals who practice self-reflection and emotional processing are far more likely to experience fulfilling relationships later on.

So the first step? Press pause. Commit to healing, growing, and loving yourself first.

Embracing Self-Reflection: The Heart of Healing

Self-reflection allows you to examine your heart without judgment. It’s about asking yourself:

• What lessons have I learned from my past relationships?

• Am I holding on to pain that keeps me stuck?

• How does my faith inform my identity and worth?

Tools like journaling, prayer, and therapy can help you uncover patterns and triggers that may be hindering your growth. Even five minutes of quiet reflection each morning can center your mind and remind you of your God-given value.  One childhood hobby that is said to have mental health benefits is coloring. So it might sound crazy but try coloring in an adult coloring book. The act of coloring creates a meditative experience for your brain.

Remember Psalm 139:14—“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” This truth remains, no matter what your past relationships looked like.

Prioritizing Self-Care and Emotional Healing

As a solo mom, your to-do list never ends. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care isn’t selfish. It's imperative to survive and to be the mom your kids deserve.

Start small:

🌸 Move your body – A 10-minute stretch or walk boosts mood and lowers stress.
🌸 Nourish your body – Simple, healthy meals help stabilize emotions.
🌸 Rest well – Adequate sleep strengthens your resilience.

A 2025 University of California, Berkeley study even found that self-compassion can significantly reduce relationship anxiety and improve communication.

Don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Faith-based counseling or therapy can offer tools and insights you may not uncover alone. I carried unresolved trauma throughout my twenties and thirties. It wasn't until I developed a comprehensive set of self-care rituals, including ten years in therapy that I came out on the other side realizing I'd made most of my past decisions out of fear and brokenness.

Having someone objective to listen to you talk is life-changing. Therapy isn't to fix you but to help you fix yourself if you need it. My therapist helped me uncover things I didn't even realize I'd experience. Yes, it's worth it!

The Benefits of Healing First

Healing creates space for a love that’s healthy and sustaining, not one rooted in fear or desperation. Here’s what changes when you heal:

• Emotional clarity – You’re better able to recognize red flags and choose partners aligned with your values.
• Stronger boundaries – You protect your peace without guilt.
• Authenticity in relationships – You show up as your whole, healed self.

A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people who prioritize self-healing are more likely to attract partners who share their values and emotional maturity.

Building a Foundation for Lasting Love

Embrace the time you take to heal is a gift. It’s a chance to redefine the love you have for yourself and others. You won't be looking for love as something fill a void, but as a bonus to an already full and purposeful life.

Here’s how to build that foundation:

🌱 Redefine love – Focus on mutual respect, shared faith, and emotional health.
🌱 Clarify your non-negotiables – Know your values and what you’re unwilling to compromise.
🌱 Build a support system – Surround yourself with friends, family, or a faith community that uplifts you.

Remember: you are already whole. A partner isn’t the missing piece, you are complete in Christ.

[Check out this short video on recognizing red flags.]

Final Thoughts: Date Later, Heal Now

Before you invite someone new into your life, allow God to renew your mind and heal your spirit. This isn’t about “fixing” yourself or religion. It’s about rediscovering your worth and embracing the fullness of who you are and whose you are.

As you heal, you’ll find that love flows naturally from abundance and you're eyes will be open to the red flag you once overlooked or felt attracted to.

You’re worthy of love. But first, love yourself enough to pause, heal, and grow.

❤️ Reflection Questions

📖 What emotional patterns am I ready to release?

📖 How can I show myself love and compassion this week?

📖 What does God say about my worthiness and identity?

Write your answers in a journal or talk them through with a trusted friend. Healing begins with self-awareness.

📌 Related Resources

🎧 Listen: SoloMoms! Talk Podcast – Episode: Healing After Heartbreak
📖 Read: The Empowered Solo Mom: 7 Steps to Build Confidence, Peace, and Purpose
📥 Download: 30 Days to Greater Self Love Worksheet Free