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SoloMoms! Talk
Aug. 10, 2021

BONUS: Tips to Create a Better Relationship With Your Teen

BONUS: Tips to Create a Better Relationship With Your Teen

I like to reflect on aspects of interviews that resonate with me. Sometimes I've had similar experiences as my guests. When that's the case I want to explore those ideas.

In this bonus episode I talk about tips to create better relationships with your teen. The ideas came from my interview with Dr. Lisa Bravo in Episode 26.

Maybe you can relate. If so, let me know your thoughts on the topic. jen@solomoms-talk.com

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Transcript

Lisa Bravo 0:00 You know, lots of times we can look at kids who've been in trouble and we can assume the worst, right? We can assume they were lying or being disrespectful or being whatever we believe, right. But really, sometimes we if we dig deeper, and we understand how they were motivated in that moment, what was driving them in that moment, we might understand that they're valuing something like loyalty to a friend is at this on the surface, it may look like you know, sheer disrespect for an adult. But if we look at it from their viewpoint, sometimes they are holding a value, it's important for us to be able to decipher what's going on, Intro 0:33

they're tired, weary, frustrated, what would you be doing if you weren't raising children alone? What's stopping you from living your best life now? On solo mums talk I discuss with solo mothers, the challenges you face raising children alone. So if you're a worthless solo mom, dealing with independent children, insensitive bosses, weight and health issues, or even death collectors. Join us as we discover your path to get and stay healthy, increase your income, and live with joy and purpose. This is hard to keep your head above the water. J Rosemarie 1:35 This is the bonus episode to the last show that was released with Dr. Lisa Bravo, on creating tools that build your relationship with your teenager, I like to do a commentary on interviews that resonate with me. And in doing so, I get an opportunity to share my story because this is partially why I got this short together is to share my story. I want to start off by sharing the points that I gather. And I want to share with you from the show. First thing is that and that's Robin, I talked about this when your team get in your face are they snap back or they have another two that displeases you, instead of getting angry, you know, right off the bat, the best thing to do is to walk away this Brava says what she does. He said, Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom, and she's stay in the bathroom and gather her thoughts, then, you know, get ourselves together. Because getting angry in that right in that minute in that moment is not helpful. It's not a rule for you. And it's not helpful for your team. No, I have an example of that. But more so of action that affected me as opposed to what they said. Now, I was working, I had two teenagers in the house, I came home one day and holes, a sink of dirty dishes assaulted me when I walked into the kitchen, and I lost it. I totally lost it because I could hear them in their room communicating with each other playing video game and having the ball and here I am tired, being at work all day, and I come home to dirty dishes. And I would have been well served myself. And then if I just absorbed what I'm looking at, I walked away, but I didn't I lost it. I started yelling and screaming and you know, my head started hurting. And I felt like my head was going to explode. The It was like darkness was starting to enter my eyes. And thing is that I was I was just getting to stroke land. And so I realized at that moment in that moment that that wasn't the way to handle this. Because they kept on playing looked at me Hey Mom, are you and kept going? And so I agree with this point in that when their actions make you angry, or even sad, you know, sometimes they can say things that make your mood dive, you know, they say something brings on yield to bring some shame because as solo moms we never see we never Think that we've done enough. And so words can change our moods. At least I know it does me right, it changes my mood, sometimes I hear certain things from their mouths. And so it always helps to just take a step back physically and mentally, you know, take a break, go to bathroom, hang out in your room, or take a walk, whichever one suits the situation. And then when you're ready to talk, you talk. And always remember, you're in charge of the situation. They're the teens, the other kids, no matter how big they think they are, you're the parent, and you have to be the parent, even when you don't feel like it. The second point I want to bring up is that you have to remember, and this is part of the reason we get upset, or we feel down about something that's been said or done, because we feel it's been done to us, right? We think that what did I do wrong? You're disrespecting me. And it's not always about you. I my young son likes to remind me of this mom is not, it's not about you, you know, I mean, it's right. It's not always about you, you have to approach whatever the situation is in a mature manner. And, as as parent, a lot of times, we haven't matured enough to the point where we can act mature, and we want to go out and act like the children do. And it's just the way it is sometime, especially if we haven't gotten our stuff together, you know. So, just remember, it's not always about, you'll need at least a bra, we'll talk about value. And sometimes when they hold out, and they disobey, and they have a stiff neck about, you know, they're stubborn about what their position is compared to yours. It's just a value that they're holding, it's not about you, or the relationship with you, they always want you as the parent. And so we have to remember that. The third thing I want to talk about is that it's never too late, no matter how often, or how long, there's been a disruption and communication or relationship with you and your your team, it's never too late to rebuild that relationship, you're gonna have to take the lead, though, in verification, the child may take the lead, but don't hold out and say, Well, I'm the parent or you better come to me, you know, we have to be mature and take the lead. And which leads me to my fourth point is that, don't forget the golden rule, do unto others as you'd like them to do to you. And in this case, love on love on them, love your enemy. When you see them as your enemy, love them a little bit more, Be kind, be gentle, because they want that they expect that and they need that. And you might see them as not deserving of it, but do want to them as you would have them do to you. It's not about you, it's about your relationship with them, it's about them. And my fifth and final point is keep praying for them. Even if you if you're not doing it now start praying for your team they needed they need the strength they need, you know, you need to pray angels guidance over them. And you know, because they face a lot of difficulty and challenges in school on the street. If you if you're a black parent, you know what I mean is that your your teenagers need a hedge of protection around them. And as a solo Mom, you can be there for them all the time. Or you may be defenseless, you know, to help them. So pray for them, mentioned their name, tell God to take control of the situation, whatever the situation is, or even if there are no issues, still pray for them, that God will protect them. Take care of them, strengthen the relationship you have with them, that he will give you wisdom and guidance and communicating and parenting them because it's hard work. It's hard, hard work, but you don't have to do it alone. If you're looking for strategies and tips in parenting your teen, you could check out Dr. bravas framework. It's outlined in our book The Bravo effect strategies for parenting extreme teens. You can also find the problem if dot com. Remember, you don't have to parent in silence. Whatever struggle you're going through now know that there's always help available. And when you just want a listening ear solo moms talk monthly Connect meet up, maybe just the thing you need. So click the link below and join solo moms just like you for time of sharing and connection. So take some time retreat from the chaos and join us today. Click the link below to sign up now.