After 24 years of marriage and two kids, Kelli Callabrese's husband left.
But Kelli found a way to work through the loss of her relationship while helping her kids grieve.
Kelli reinvented herself by moving across the country. She is now teaching others how to navigate loss through whole life wellness approach.
10:40 - Kelli's 5 tips for staying healthy if you're over 50
13:44 - What is Whole Life Wellness?
23:11 - Start a "To Don't" list
"What's inside you is what comes out of you" ~ Kelli Callabrese
Email: email@example.com for a free copy of Success Habits of Super Achievers.
Check out Kelli's Facebook group Intentionally Fabulous
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[00:00:00] J. Rosemarie: SoloMoms! Talk was designed to curate the stories of solar moms globally. As the facilitator of this platform, I aim to create a peaceful environment where you can share your heart and be loved and get the advice you need. So if this sounds like you, why not RSVP for next virtual meet up? The link is below where you can retreat from the cancer of your life.[00:00:25] So you can recharge, connect with other moms and get. So you're burning questions. Remember you're not alone and you don't have the parents in silence today. I'm speaking with Kelli Callabrese. Who's a solid mom at fitness, nutrition, wellness, and lifestyle expert. Specializes in taking a spirit mind, body approach to whole life wellness.[00:00:51] Welcome Kelli. [00:00:52] Kelli Callabrese: Thank you [00:00:52] so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here. [00:00:54] J. Rosemarie: Yes, [00:00:55] for sure. All right. So we're going to get into your career and. [00:01:00] You're coaching. First of all, I always want to know who is Kelli. Tell who you are. [00:01:05] Kelli Callabrese: Wow. That's a great question. I am a child of the most high king. First. My thing very important to me.[00:01:13] So that's number one. I am a single mom to two amazing children and I'm someone who wakes up every day. Cited to empower people to walk in divine health, to overcome every fear, every rejection, every shame, so that they can rise up and become who they are destined and purpose to be. Oh, [00:01:40] J. Rosemarie: wow. Okay. Thank you for sharing and tell us how.[00:01:44] Yes. [00:01:45] Kelli Callabrese: So I was married for 24 years and my husband came home and he said, my commitment to our marriage is zero. And he left and it floored me. It took me to my knees. It [00:02:00] emptied me out. It had me re question everything in my life. And I went on a healing sabbatical, and I did all the things when you're in.[00:02:09] Pain and a tornado comes in and blows up your life and leaves this gaping hole in your heart. That's, excrutiatingly painful. You're going to do something to figure it out. And because I always line up with divine health, I wanted to do something healthy. So I did all the things I went to divorce, covery.[00:02:25] I went to the conferences, read the books, listen to the sermons. I did all the things to get well. That's how it happens, you know, you need to own your part in it. That's how I became solo. And that was three and a half years ago. Wow. [00:02:41] J. Rosemarie: Well, I am, I'm sorry that happened, but I'm glad that you're here then, then on the shore foundation [00:02:48] Kelli Callabrese: with confidence and boldness.[00:02:50] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Great. Okay. So, um, what has been your biggest challenge beyond the devastation? You know, the breakup of your marriage and finding yourself [00:03:00] alone with [00:03:01] Kelli Callabrese: yeah. The kids were definitely a huge challenge. A lot of unreasonably difficult things happen in the year after my husband left. I mean, and it happens to a lot of people.
[00:03:10] Your whole world changes. You usually wind up moving. You might change your friend group cause they were all couples and now you're single. Kids' school may change. The church may change, and you're dealing with two kids who didn't ask for this. And they're 16 and 17. So, you know, they had their licenses, they had little jobs, they were full-time students, full-time athletes, they were busy.[00:03:30] And what I didn't know is that they are looking for a safe place. All of their anger out and it's going to be on the stronger parents. And that was me. So I became the target of all their anger, their bitterness, their, you know, feeling rejected. And I didn't think I was going to be the target. Um, so that was really difficult.[00:03:52] I was grieving myself, but he also, you know, those teenage years are kind of tough anyway, must be really needed to figure [00:04:00] out how to navigate that. And girls and boys in general, usually act differently. Girls usually get quiet and shut down and. Or more angry and more likely to just be aggressive. That's what mine did.[00:04:14] And I wasn't expecting that at all. So that made it even more challenging for me. I felt like such a failure. That was, I was holding my own feet to the fire, burning myself. Like this shouldn't have happened to you. You didn't, you were the least likely person to be. So, no, I was just telling that story, that victim story over and over and over my head for a long time.[00:04:39] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. I could see how it would be a bigger challenge because you put it, put everything on yourself to begin with, but then the children, them needing healing made you feel like it was all your fault all over again. [00:04:52] Kelli Callabrese: I thought I ruined their lives. So I was like, oh, they'll never, you know, the statistics were divorced kids, which I didn't know any of this at the [00:05:00] time, but it's not good.[00:05:01] I mean, they're dropping out of school, more teenage pregnancy crime, more likely to get divorced. I mean, it goes on and on. There's nothing good about it and you don't have to be a statistic, but the average is for kids of divorce are not good. They're more depressed. They're more suicidal. They don't go on to have good long-term relationship.[00:05:20] Yeah, it's difficult. Yeah. [00:05:22] J. Rosemarie: I would imagine part of it is that, you know, they lash out and if the adults are too self-absorbed to, to be able to actually pay a pension, then I think having gone through divorce myself, you know, I can say that there were times, you know, I, I just didn't want to deal with the other party.[00:05:41] I get angry and you know, and I've seen it because you, you just don't want to be bothered, but we have to think about the kids at that time. [00:05:50] Kelli Callabrese: Yeah. Like I said, we're going to do something when you feel that much pain, some people are going to stay angry. Some people are going to try and control everything because that'll make it better.[00:06:00] [00:06:00] You know, this perfectionist or enabling, or some women will just run into the arms of another man, cause that'll make everything better or isolate or escape or drink, or you can overdo anything, even exercise. You can take anything good to the excess because we're trying to make pain goals. And anything that we choose to do is going to fall.[00:06:23] In my opinion of keeping your eyes on God who redeem and heal all things. [00:06:31] J. Rosemarie: Definitely. Yeah, for sure. And to pray for those children because the boy, [00:06:37] Kelli Callabrese: yes. It's been three and a half years. And I can tell you it's been about three months now that I have my kids back. I mean, they were prodigal children for.[00:06:48] And I was a brand mama. Yeah. At some point it's all you can do is just trust and pray and surrender and be obedient and be a good example and try and impart wisdom and set [00:07:00] healthy boundaries on yourself too, because you have to let them know. You can't treat your mom that way. And you're going to have a mother-in-law one day in a way for one day or, um, you know, sisters and law, you can't treat a woman this way.[00:07:14] They come [00:07:14] J. Rosemarie: back home. [00:07:15] Kelli Callabrese: So yeah, mine did. I'm so happy. [00:07:19] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, that's good. All right. So tell me, um, why did you take a mind, body spirit approach to healing or wellbeing? [00:07:27] Kelli Callabrese: That's a great question. So I decided early on that I wanted to be what I called an extra. Therapists. I was 13 when I decided that. So when I was 17, I got certified and I got three college degrees and helping people on the physical side.[00:07:41] So clinical exercise, physiology, and so on. And what I started to notice was when I worked with people physically, it started to change them mentally and back in the late eighties. Personal trainer was mostly doctors and attorneys and you know, professionals. So these were high stress people. And I was in the New Jersey, [00:08:00] New York area.[00:08:00] And I noticed that they would start coming in and going, you know what? My employees are noticing that I'm just happier. And my kids even like me better, my wife is saying, you know, I'm less stressed and more talkative. So I instantly started to notice when I can get the physical body starting to change, the mind will start to change.[00:08:18] So I did a deep dive on studying the mind. And when you get to the end of the mind, you're at the quantum level, the smallest possible vibration of things. And at the end of that is the spiritual. And so you can't disconnect the three, they all work together. So my vehicle has been through my career. If I can help people physically and spend time with them, we can work on their mindset and then also the spirituality.[00:08:43] But you can take it from any side first. You can have some really strong. Faith, but they abuse their body and you can have someone, you know, who's super fit, but they don't have any faith or belief in something whole and real and true in light. [00:09:00] So when I get the three working together, it just picks up the momentum.[00:09:04] Can happen so much faster and get into this flow where things just happen beautifully. [00:09:10] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. The whole man, right? Yes. [00:09:13] Kelli Callabrese: Yeah. If you try and do it on your own, like how many of us have gone on a diet? Probably a dozen diets and. Lash. It is difficult, you know, versus if you partner with God and you're like, okay, God, my body, your temple helped me.
[00:09:27] The flesh is weak. I want ice cream at night. Like I can't, I don't want to measure stuff and follow and get on the scale or whatever, but you all, [00:09:36] J. Rosemarie: things were possible. He does help too. I mean, it's some of the simplest things he does when I think about stuff like that. And I'll see a recipe or I see a video about the exact thing I was thinking about.[00:09:49] So he does, I'm excited to share that Solomon's talk is now on YouTube, all these interviews and our new channel Solomon staff TV there, you will actually [00:10:00] see the interaction between myself and my guests. You will also find bite-sized clips of daily inspiration to help you manage the struggles of everyday life.[00:10:10] So click solo, mums talk TV below to watch now. Certain age and I'm having a rough time and I'm talking personally because I want to share that. Right. I'm having a rough time with managing my weight. You know, there was a time I was size five and I was size five for the longest time. It was so easy to just get back into that size five.[00:10:30] But now it's a struggle, but I'm more concerned about my whole physiology as a middle-aged woman. What can you do for me? Yeah, that's a [00:10:40] Kelli Callabrese: great question. So if you look at our 24 hours, We spend a good amount of time sleeping. And a lot of people overlook sleep. We were designed to go to bed when it gets dark and wake up when it gets late.[00:10:51] But because we're under these bright lights, we've got technology and stuff going all the time. We're getting to bed later when we're not sleeping well, we're not getting. Asleep. So [00:11:00] we get to spend hours talking about sleep, but I would say do what you can to correct your sleep. The sleep is the magic.[00:11:06] That's when your body detoxifies that's when you get rid of old dead cells, that's when your metabolism can reboot. That's when your hormones reset. That's when you get rid of the waste from the day, melatonin comes out when you sleep enough. So starting your day off rested is huge. Then having a good morning routine where you set your day up for.[00:11:27] Yes. So another big part is water hydration. Your body's made up of about 75% water. Get rid of all your other beverages drink again. I mean, look at the beverage aisle in the grocery store. My goodness, compared to when we were kids to now re I big, what are we drinking? Um, all the caffeinated and sweetened beverages and dyes and artificial, you know, nonsense drink a gallon of water every day.[00:11:52] Watch what your body does when you do that. Watch how your skin changes and your digestion changes and [00:12:00] energy. Your cells are working the community. Stressed out and struggling dehydrated. So water is the next big thing. Movement get up and get moving before your body has a chance to realize you're on the treadmill.[00:12:12] Get up. First thing you're designed to move every single day and getting started is the hardest part, you know, put your gym shoes out. Sleep and your workout gear. If you have to whatever, get up and put in a video, go in the garage. I mean, whatever you have to do, do something to get moving. First thing every day, then it's done and you set the boom for a boosted metabolism and high energy and a clear mind all day long.
[00:12:38] Yeah. And then nutrition. If I just had to give it a snapshot. I say Mediterranean where you've got those beautiful vegetables and those berries and healthy fats, like coconut and avocado and nuts. And then those lean proteins, like your salmon and could be ground beef or. But lean protein, good [00:13:00] vegetables, and then stay away from anything processed.[00:13:03] And if you just did those kindergarten things, you will see a tremendous difference. I'm 52. So we might be somewhat close in age, but as we hit this, you know, life, our body in a we're all aging. So we want to do what we can to stay healthy naturally. You know, five things are really key. [00:13:22] J. Rosemarie: Okay. All right.[00:13:23] Thank you. And I'm way older than you, but anyway, thank you. All right. Well, thank you for sharing that. What is, so I'm, I'm thinking that what you've explained regarding, you know, exercising and watching what you eat kind of thing. We just want you to call whole life. Well, Am I correct. Well, whole, I found [00:13:44] Kelli Callabrese: this actually refers to physical financial, relational, professional, social, mental, emotional coach.[00:13:52] So it's every area. So if you can imagine a wheel having all these spokes, if the center [00:14:00] of the spoke was zero and at the top of the wheel was like a 10 and you were to grade, like, where are you on a scale of one to 10? Um, 10 being the best is your fitness a six or your finances or a two, but your relationship is a zero because you're maybe not in one, you know?[00:14:16] So where are you in that wheel? You know, it looks kind of jagged as you were to connect the dots. So we tend to be really strong in one, like maybe we're graded budgeting and we live below our means and we save and we give, and that's awesome. But you know, we go through the drive through every day and we're 40 pounds overweight.[00:14:35] You know, or maybe our relationships are not great. So looking at every area of your life, because almost everyone is good and at least something, hopefully multiple things. And sometimes we're supposed to do a deep dive in one of those, so that we really grow in that area. Um, let's say, for example, we're at the age where we might be caregiving for our parents, we kind of know that's happening as we get [00:15:00] older.[00:15:00] But when that happens, sometimes we have to put other things on hold to really care for those parents and walk them out in their last season of life. But there's so much that could be learned in that season from walking. Through that stage of their life or when you have babies, that's a, you know, that's a big focus, so you're not maybe know launching a new business while you're having a baby.[00:15:20] So it's not always going to be 10 in every area all the time. But if there's lagging areas, I want to help people with that. Whether they have a poverty mindset or they're not good at making friends, because it is a whole life. It's not just about your salary for. There's so much more than that. That's important and money is important.[00:15:40] We don't want to poverty mindset, but just having good income, people will tell you who make a lot of money. It's not everything, right? [00:15:47] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, sure. It's schools with saying that if you, you talk about how somebody. Some part, not right. Even though the other part, when you focus on one, one part, the rest suffer, but there are other times that you will, [00:16:00] you'll find that you can balance all the balls, right?[00:16:03] You can't juggle. And we feel like we're in a rush to use your words. So how do we keep from getting in that rock off? You know, that nine set that. You're not doing anything. [00:16:13] Kelli Callabrese: Right? My goal is to always have all the balls in the air all the time. And I'm not saying it's impossible, but the idea is okay, I'm healthy.[00:16:22] I've got money in the bank. I have good relationships. You know, I've got resources so that when that phone call comes, you know, when that thing happens, it's not like, hold on. My house is falling apart. My car's broken down. I got no money. It. No, everything is good. So now this is just a blip on a radar.[00:16:37] Like if money can fix it. Okay. Now, is that even a problem? The air conditioner we'll have a guy here tomorrow. If you don't have money and you don't have friends, you don't have credit, then it's a big problem. But what happens with people who are going through, whether it's divorce or some other major life event, they get stuck and stopped.[00:16:56] Because they feel like a victim in that area. For me, it [00:17:00] was bitterness. I was bitter. I was like, I did all the right things. I was a loyal wife. I did this and that this wasn't supposed to happen. And I really was stuck there for a while and I had to work through it. And if you get knocked down 10 times, which during divorce, you've got a lot coming at, you just breathe, dealing with the courts.[00:17:18] And you know, you're seeing the worst side of the person you met. Ugly part where you're talking about money and kids. And so it's just a lot of emotions. It's easy to get stuck and you're getting just slammed, but I have to build resilience. We have to realize that rejection is a part of life. And yes, you know, divorce is a huge rejection of your spouse leaves you, but we have to build the resilience, get knocked down 10 times, get up 11.[00:17:43] And at first you're shocked and then you might blame and you might be in denial and angry. And, but when you stay down as. Dumb. That's when you're saying I have no whole life is happening to me. There's absolutely nothing I could do about it. And I'm just stuck here and that's where we want to [00:18:00] get people up from that dark side.[00:18:01] That's where we want them to build the resilience to say, you can get back up, get present, breathe, renew your mind to the past and change your body language. Walk in that room like you are supposed to be in that room and start living in gratitude. I decided to do a gratitude journal. It's been a couple of years, but I committed to not going to bed until I filled an entire page with gratitude every night.[00:18:25] And at first it started really mechanical, like, well, I took my vitamins, I walked the dog and, but now I go throughout my day and I'm like, oh my goodness. I get to be in abundance. So the mom podcasts, like not everyone gets to do that today. And so I'm looking for things to be grateful for all day long. I go, my neighbor brought in my trash bag.
[00:18:45] Like, I'm so happy about that. Yeah. I'm looking for it. And it just changes you from being a victim and it starts to create that flow of when you're grateful things start coming to you. Generous heart. So we get you to [00:19:00] recover a little bit quicker and cope when you start being thankful for what you have.[00:19:04] And I'm not minimizing. Anyone's difficult story. I mean, horrible, abusive things happen out there. But if you're listening to this, you have technology. You have ears to hear, um, you have electricity batteries. Got a pen with the roof over your head, find something to be thankful for. [00:19:21] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, it's true. I agree.[00:19:23] And, and he's just thought we have to learn to cycle through the grief. Feel it deal with it, but just cycle through it to the other end. And I think, you know, gratitude is near the end. It's where you could get near to the end. And because people say, if you, if you focus on something to be thankful for and you won't find the time to complain about what's happening.[00:19:45] Kelli Callabrese: Yeah. And I do a lot of different things with my clients. One of the things is I have them start a to don't list and that is what are the things that you need to stop doing? Like if you didn't do it, how would your life be better before talking about doing something [00:20:00] new, a new habits? What are you doing right now that, you know, if you stopped it, your life would be better.[00:20:08] A lot of times they're kindergarten things like, well, I know I shouldn't be drinking a bottle of wine every night, watching Netflix till 4:00 AM and sleeping until two. And, okay, good. What are you committed to do? Wow. I drink half a bottle of wine. Okay, good. Let's start there. We'll check it next week. And then watch what happens when you're only drinking a half a bottle of wine instead of a full bottle of wine, and you're putting one foot in front of the other, and then you're starting to open up the space for doing some new, healthy habits.[00:20:35] So starting easy by stopping things is a good place to start. And also looking at what's good about this. And again, it might be. Because I worked with these divorce women when there's some, you know, crazy, bad and less than excellent things going on, but to be able to go, okay, well, you know what, being single, there are some good things about this.[00:20:55] I don't have to compromise. I can get a fresh start with new friends. I can decorate my house the [00:21:00] way I want. I get quality parenting time when I'm with my kids, it's chance for me to get out of my comfort zone and, and go do some new things. It's a chance for me to be my best version of me and really live in a peace filled house.[00:21:12] And I mean, so look for, what's good about why now I get to really become my true whole self. Can I serve others? Can I pursue my passion? Like, wow. This is a whole new lease on life. Definitely. [00:21:24] J. Rosemarie: All right. Thank you very much. So what just kind grateful for today. Did I ask about a right now? [00:21:30] Kelli Callabrese: Oh my goodness.[00:21:31] So at the time we're recording this, I'm about to go pick my girl up from college. And we're about to head to New York and New Jersey for Christmas. And my son is already there. My mom, and they brought, I mean, everyone is there, so that's a plans and it's going to be great to see everyone and maybe see some snow.[00:21:52] So I'm just thankful that we're together. And it's going to be a great Christmas. [00:21:57] J. Rosemarie: Thank you very much for sharing. And how can we [00:22:00] get in touch with you? [00:22:00] Kelli Callabrese: Yes, I would love if your listeners and viewers emailed me, it's Kelli with an eye at www.kellicallabrese.com. I will send them the latest copy of my bestselling book, which is called success habits of super achievers.[00:22:19] So I'll send them the electronic copy. If there's anything on the show that inspired them or any challenges they want to share with me, I would love to hear them. I answer every email personally, and they can also go to my website, which is Kelly calibri.com. And if they're a woman who's gone through divorce, separation, breakup, any of that, I'd love if they joined my private Facebook group, which is called intentionally.[00:22:44] Okay. Cool. [00:22:45] J. Rosemarie: All right. Yeah. And we put all of that in the show notes, so people can click, take your email and he paleo. Yeah, that's great. And one piece of advice for solar mom, [00:22:55] Kelli Callabrese: I would say, love yourself. Stop blaming yourself. Stop judging [00:23:00] yourself. Stop trying to be a perfectionist. I've taken all the fun out of things.[00:23:03] Just really speak life over yourself. Um, just pre decide that you are great where you are and. Is set up boundaries for yourself. Meet. If you're not loving yourself, what's inside you is what comes out of you. And so if it's a bitterness, anger, denial, just ugliness shock depression. When things get hard, that's what comes out.[00:23:26] But it's like love when and your heart is filled with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, all of that. When things get hard, that's what comes out of you. So it starts by really taking care of yourself. And I like to have what I call it. Variance where I just imagine if I was in heaven, how would things play out air?[00:23:46] And that's a lens or a barometer for how I make my decisions in life. [00:23:50] J. Rosemarie: Interesting. Okay. Thank you very much, Kelly. Kalibrasi for coming and talking to me today [00:23:56] Kelli Callabrese: and it's my pleasure. Thanks for having me and thanks for bringing the show to the world. It's awesome. [00:24:00] Thank you.
Health and Wellness Coach
Kelli is a fitness, nutrition, wellness and lifestyle expert and entrepreneur for the past 34 years and specializes in taking a spirit, mind, body approach to whole-life wellness.