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SoloMoms! Talk
June 21, 2022

Depression: Learning to Manage the Pain in Your Heart w/Ana Lennyr

Depression: Learning to Manage the Pain in Your Heart w/Ana Lennyr

Ana Lennyr is a premier life strategist who specializes in helping teenagers and adults to build strong and supportive family relationships. She's a parenting and relationship mentor, and an anti-depression expert.

Solo moms experience a higher risk of depression than partnerned moms. In addition, depression affects how your teenage thinks.

Ana helps teens and adults overcome depression. She struggled with depression most of her childhood and also attempted suicide at the age of 19. Now she teaches parents how to teach their teens to recognize who they are so they can better handle their feelings.

Ana shares how we can recognize depression in our teens.

Some Takeaways:

05:13 - Understand your teen

05:47 - Learn to identify each level of your teen's behavior

06:27 - Rebuilding relationship with your teenager

07:10 - How to mind read your teenager

08:46 - Explaining the four elements as it relates to human behavior

12:01 - Why re-establishing relationship with your teen may be the best way for them to heal

Check out Ana's course offerings at www.betteraskana.com

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Transcript

[00:00:00] SoloMoms! Talk was designed to curate the stories of solo moms globally. As a facilitator of this platform, I aim to create a peaceful environment where you can share your heart, feel loved and get the advice you need. So, So if this sounds like you, why not RSVP for our next virtual meet up? The link is below it's, where you can retreat from the case of your life.[00:00:25] So you can recharge, connect with other moms and get answers to your burning questions. Remember, you're not alone and you don't have the parent in silence.[00:00:36] J. Rosemarie: My guest today is Ana Lennyr. I'm very happy to talk to you today, Ana. Thank you for coming and talking to us today. [00:00:43] Ana Lennyr: Nice to meet you too, Rosemarie. [00:00:45] Thank you. Thank you. [00:00:46] Yes, for sure. And the first thing I usually like to do, regardless of who you are as a guest, is to ask you to tell us who you are.[00:00:55] J. Rosemarie: And yeah. Just tell us who you are. . [00:00:58] Ana Lennyr: So my name is Ana [00:01:00] Lennyr and I am a parenting and relationship mentor, and I'm also an anti-depression expert. Hmm. So if there is any help for going deeper into a conversation this is the main thing that I do. I take teenagers and adults out of depression. But I'm hoping that we are having these conversations, so it will not end up to this[00:01:23] J. Rosemarie: Okay. All right. Thank you. And so following up on that a lot of times our experiences lead us to our careers, our purpose and what we do. So I'm going to dig a little further and ask you. Were you a problem teen or did you struggle with depression? Tell us about that. [00:01:44] Ana Lennyr: So it looks like I struggled with depression since the age of seven.[00:01:47] I just never knew it I just never knew it. And I had all kind of problems and uh, health problems and headaches and back problems. And then I had the insomnias and [00:02:00] migraines. Suicidal attempted age of 19 and a half. So I've been through all the stages of depression as a child, as a young adult. and later on, even as a parent, myself, as my own child slipped into depression, I am also an adult child of alcoholic.[00:02:19] Mm. So I have been through that stage too. And because of that, when I overcame depression and it only took seven months of the 27 years of suffering, I fought that I caught God from like, This is what I fought. Like I caught legs got, because I got out of depression. [00:02:40] Oh boy, this [00:02:42] is what I believed is like, oh, miracle just happened to my life, right?[00:02:46] Yeah. Yeah. But the truth is that all this suffering was meant for me to exactly like you mentioned exactly like you predicted to choose my career. And today we're helping teenagers and adults [00:03:00] not to get to depression, but even if I do get there. we provide support and help in a different way than therapy or meds or anything like that.[00:03:08] Mm-hmm [00:03:10] J. Rosemarie: all right. So thank you for sharing that. And depression is a weird thing. I know cuz I've, I've experienced it. I've gotten the pills. I've tried to take all the pills at once and I've heard a lot of stories about it. But how can you tell if you have depression? I mean, what, what does that look like?[00:03:36] Ana Lennyr: So that looks like pain in your heart. Mm. Okay. Your head is ready to explode because you don't know which way to go and how to solve a problem. Mm-hmm , but that looks like pain in your heart. So the way that most people are experienced is like, they have a deep, deep level of pain, and this is why we as parents, you know, Some of us.[00:03:58] We forgot that we went [00:04:00] through this as teenagers and maybe we were fine, but our kids these days, they're not fine because they don't want to live in that level of suffering where we lived on. Yeah. This is an accelerated generation. They wanted everything fast, better, more efficient, three clicks and be done.[00:04:18] They don't wanna live like we did 27 years. So suffer. 30 years of fibromyalgia, three divorces, heartbroken, you know? Yeah. Three times they don't want any of that. And because of that, you know, we think that, oh, we give them everything they need and they want, and. We don't give them exactly what they need and that is skills to make their life better.[00:04:42] Yeah. [00:04:42] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Okay. All right. And, and what kind of skills, because we know, you know, I, I know that with teenagers, they, it's hard to read them and they react to things that we don't understand. So, [00:05:00] so where does it start? I mean, you have a teen. You're having issues with them. Where do you start to make inroads into getting to them before they start?[00:05:12] You know this? So [00:05:13] Ana Lennyr: where I start by understanding your teenager. Okay. What does teenager want? Happy and easy life. That's all they want. Mm-hmm . They don't care. If you cook three times a day or only one time a week, they're gonna find something to eat. It's fine.[00:05:28] If it's not their favorite food, right? Mm-hmm . If they go to video games, we already know that they don't wanna play a game in this world. They wanna play a virtual game. Why they're not ready to play this game in this world. Right. They're not. They either have social anxiety or they're afraid of something, or they don't know how to manage your emotions.[00:05:47] Right? So the first thing that I teach parents is how to identify each level where the child is, is the child withdrawn. That means that they have a lot of pain in their heart is with child angry. That means [00:06:00] they don't know how to use the fire, the drive. They don't know how to manage their emotion and go to the identity level.[00:06:06] Mm-hmm is the child disrespectful and disobedient that means that they don't trust the parent. That's why they disrespect the parent because the parent doesn't know how to teach them what they need. Right. They don't, we do video games. We definitely prefer to have unlimited lives. They don't wanna mess up with this one because we don't know how.[00:06:25] So this is the first thing we're teaching. The second thing we're teaching is how to rebuild your relationship with your teenager. So everybody considers teenagers, you know, I do, you do probably as extension of you and your spouse or you or your ex-partner right. Or the father or whatever. Right. So you consider a child, an extension of two people when they're actually four types of men in the world and four types of women in the world.[00:06:54] And that child could be totally different. When you or your husband might have [00:07:00] physical characteristics might have some, you know, behavioral characteristics, but could be the way they think the way they act, the way they value think totally different. Mm. So we teach them practically all these steps one, so they can mind read their teenagers.[00:07:17] So they know what teenager is trying to tell them before the teenager is opening their mouth. Yeah. Hmm. And when you know that when you have that power over your kid, you can change him and transform him or her the way you want to. And they don't even realize . [00:07:37] J. Rosemarie: Wow. Magic [00:07:40] Ana Lennyr: magic happens when you can read somebody's mind.[00:07:44] J. Rosemarie: Certainly magic. Wow. Thank you for explaining that. So that's the work you do and, you know, help mothers, well, parents and their teens, right? [00:07:56] Ana Lennyr: This is what, one of a part we do, but here is the [00:08:00] following. So we teach with parents how to manage these relationships, how to figure this out mm-hmm and then they teach her kids.[00:08:07] And when they teach the kids miracles happen, I'll give you an example of my dad. So we had somebody, her name was Angela. She was in depression during a divorce. A father didn't wanna pay child support. He was due 800 bucks. He was over for a year and a half, not paying, trying to avoid it and stuff like that.[00:08:25] So she went through my depression programs. I explain all this relationship thing with her. Right. And she decides by her. To explain it to her daughter, seven years old. I never gave her the approval. So she explains to her daughter, you know, your father is air. We usually work with four elements when I talked about four types of men and.[00:08:46] Water fire air and earth. So we can all speak the same language. So I can, you know, maneuver a client in right direction with her kids and themselves. So she explains to to her daughter, seven years old, you know, your dad, is air like, what does [00:09:00] that mean, mom? That means he's colder, but he loves you to death.[00:09:03] He just doesn't know how to express these things. Okay. He's not like our other dads, you know, hugging and kissing and stuff like that. But he does that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He loves you. He gives his life for you and stuff like that. He's just his colder. This is the type of man he is.[00:09:19] But girl goes to daddy and tells. Daddy, daddy, you're air. I'm like what you talking about? I'm not working for, for military. I'm not a pilot. What, what do you mean I'm air? Oh, no. Mommy explained to me, but you know, you are cold or you don't kiss us and hugs us so much, but you love me to death and you would give your life for me.[00:09:40] Oh, your mom told you that. Yes. The man started crying. He felt understood for the first time in his life. Oh, wow. This is a man that doesn't cry. Air people don't cry ever. They don't even have feelings. Okay. So at the next divorce appearance, [00:10:00] he gave her $2,000 in child support with one condition to give, to see his daughter anytime he can, because he was in business trips and he couldn't do every other weekend and stuff like that.[00:10:12] And since that moment they get along better when they're getting along, since they were married. Mm wow. This is the power when you teach your child. Okay. And you teach exactly that each person values life in a different way. it doesn't mean they're wrong. Mm-hmm , it's just, they have a different value in life.[00:10:37] They have a different personality. It doesn't mean they're bad for you or bad for somebody else. Right? So this what we're teaching teenagers and adults, and this is how we ever even help people you know, out of depression because they never knew these skills. Mm-hmm they always feel attacked by someone.[00:10:55] Him or her hurt me. No, they have different values. They [00:11:00] think the different way. Yeah. They're not here purposely hurt you. They're just different. Right? Right. So these, these are types of skills that we're teaching. [00:11:09] J. Rosemarie: Oh, okay. That is very interesting. I like, I like that perspective and it reminds me of another guest I had on and they talked about how to teach the teenager.[00:11:21] And I lost my train of thought, but but it was, it was that, you know, in dealing with the teenager and how to understand how, how they themselves are, how they think, how they value. How they value relationships and to how parents can understand how these teenagers value those relationships. So this is new for me and probably new for a lot of my listeners.[00:11:51] But, but it seems simple enough to adapt and to, incorporate into. You know, parenting [00:12:00] our teenagers. [00:12:01] Ana Lennyr: Yeah. So relationship is everything in life, right? Yeah. So I, people come to me after years of therapy, like, oh, you know, my kid likes more of a therapist. I'm like, that's not okay. Okay, because today's the therapist as a crutch and tomorrow is gonna be a narcissistic abuser.[00:12:15] And after tomorrow's gonna be a verbally abuser and poor kid is gonna look for crutches or his or her life yeah. To be more balanced. So it is better that the kid listens to you. Yeah. Okay. For more advice. Yeah. So when we're teaching these relationships skills, the priority is to reestablish your relationship with your child.[00:12:37] I am not the one, teaching them. I'm teaching you and you teaching them. So you reestablish that relationship number one. Right? Right. And the second thing, this will give them skills, how to maneuver life because everything is relationships. It starts with relationship of your parents. Okay. But then everything else in, in the world is relationships and you can [00:13:00] easily slip and bad.[00:13:01] Yeah. Okay. Four elements, water, fire, air, and earth also have a negative format, right? So you can easily pick and choose those. If you don't know what to do. And then you end up with a disastrous life back in depression and who you blaming your parent because the parenting teach you these skills. Yes. Okay, so here we're trying to avoid and prevent any kind of problems.[00:13:27] Giving the kids when necessary resources to be stable, to be foundational mm-hmm . And sometimes even my child is asking me, he's 14 mom, who am I right now? I'm like, you're between fire and air. And you can't make it to earth until you are not more persistent and you keep on being consistent. Oh, that's what I need to do.[00:13:48] Yeah. And he just got . I mean, it's that simple, these kids at this day, faster than we dog, all that, you take them two minutes and they're like, oh, I, [00:14:00] yeah. [00:14:01] J. Rosemarie: I like that. I, I think that I could see how that could be a real benefit to the teenagers learning that skill. One to the communication between, like you said, the parent and the teen and the teen, but also in going forward in their other relationships or the build relation, get to be adults.[00:14:20] And hopefully the girls won't end up in, you know, those bad relationships. They usually find themselves in because they don't have that foundation. So I really, really do like that. [00:14:29] Ana Lennyr: lately. We see a lot of girls being extremely angry mm-hmm so we don't, we see actually men slipping into withdrawn mm-hmm and problems with depression and getting into bad relationships.[00:14:42] And we see girls being extremely angry or having social anxiety, which is the other side of anger. Okay. And this happens because it's a lot of pressure on girls in this society. Right. And because they don't know how to feel [00:15:00] protected. A lot of them, they haven't been protected from their fathers. Like for example, me, I was abandoned by my father.[00:15:06] I never felt protected by my father. Mm-hmm right. So no wonder I turned angry, right? When you approach a relationship by being angry, it's clearly it's gonna be a messed up relationship. So, this is why we're trying to form these relationships, you know, before we get to adult, because this sets very emotional back.[00:15:28] There is anger. There is worry, and there is anxiety. These three things are gonna pop into their life. If they don't have good, perfect relationships where they're than others, right? And then you go to the second skill, we need to teach them, what do you do when you're angry? What do you do when you worry?[00:15:46] What do you do when you have anxiety? Right? And these two things, you know, relationships and emotional balance will set your mindset. And then you are wondering why we're talking about mental illness, we're talking about mental illness [00:16:00] because it's actually a trap. Yeah. It's a trap between relationships and emotional balance that you don't have.[00:16:06] Right. And when it sets up in your brain that I can't, I'm not good enough, or I can, but I have a bunch of excuses. Why not? And this is it. And then you go down the road where. Where is no return, right? Where it takes you 10 years to figure it out, your depressed minimum. For me, it took 27. Okay. Or when you have a child that ends up depressed and you wondering why?[00:16:32] Because they fall into these mindsets. Yes. Yes. So this is why we're teaching. We teaching skills, practically skills, so you can have an easy, better life. Don't live in suffering cuz that's not normal. Suffering is [00:16:48] simple. [00:16:48] J. Rosemarie: Right. Exactly. All right. Thank you very much. And so so how do someone get in touch with you to learn about, you know, to engage in the process of [00:17:00] learning about how to, detect who they are first and then learn these other skills.[00:17:07] Ana Lennyr: Yes, because to master a game of life, you need to master it first. Yeah. You then to teach it to kids. right. Yeah. We have everything on our website is fine. Okay. Okay. So it's analennyr.com, which nobody knows how to spell, or we have a better website called betteraskana.com. Okay.[00:17:29] There we have two free courses, how to get a child out of depression, how to get an adult out of depression. These are free courses, the entire math that I use to get people out of depression. Mm-hmm we have two classes free online classes, one of them parenting teenager secrets and the other one healthy relationships formula.[00:17:51] These are free classes that we have every other weekend, usually. Okay. And we also have a small service that I found [00:18:00] extreme, extremely useful for people who have one question. So on, betteraskana.com. We have, you can ask Anna one question. So practically you can text us your question with your name and your email.[00:18:16] And within a few days, I'm gonna give you an answer between three to five minutes. And I'm gonna tell you what's the next step in your journey. Okay. We found this extremely useful. You'll be surprised how many people we just opened with service last week. And they started flooding us with questions because.[00:18:33] They don't wanna make mistakes in life, right. With kids or with their spouse, or they don't want to divorce too soon, or they wanna know if there is any possibility of, you know rebuilding their relationships or they don't want to just, you know, make decisions just because one stupid person said one thing and the stupid person said another thing and they don't know to solve a problem.[00:18:55] Mm-hmm. So here they have free advice from me to answer one [00:19:00] question and we found this extremely useful. [00:19:02] Okay. All right. Thank you. And I'll the links in the show notes so people could access to[00:19:10] what is Anna grateful for today? [00:19:13] Anna is grateful for today for podcasters like you, that raise awareness. Yeah. There is help out there when 1 million people kill themselves every year from depression, from suicide, from being sad, where people like you that take their time and effort to put together material, to show others.[00:19:33] But it's possible to even prevent these conditions. [00:19:37] J. Rosemarie: Oh, thank you for saying that. And thank you for sharing. Oh, wow. oh boy. Now you're making me blush. thank you, Ana. All right. So I do appreciate you coming and talking to me today. Do you have one piece of advice for a solo mom raising teens? For example, [00:19:58] Ana Lennyr: if you have questions, [00:20:00] ask.[00:20:01] Okay, we have that free, free service for you ask don't make things like sending your kid to therapy, behavior, hospitals ignoring them. You know, don't make these kind of steps when you don't understand all the picture. Right. We have tremendous amount of free resources. All you have to do is ask a question.[00:20:22] Don't be afraid to ask it's better than to make a mistake and try to fix it. Mm mm-hmm [00:20:28] J. Rosemarie: yeah, like that, don't don't just think you're alone and you're the only answer or yeah. I give them to somebody who make a mess. [00:20:38] Ana Lennyr: I mean, . Yes. Okay. So us will give you the exact advice, what you need to do, how you need to look at the situation.[00:20:46] And sometimes you'll be shocked because I'm not telling you what your girlfriend is, but doesn't know anything about the mm. But I'm telling you the truth. So grin and bear it..

[00:20:57] J. Rosemarie: Yep. I appreciate it. We appreciate [00:21:00] it. Cause yeah. Thank you, Ana Lennyr for coming and talking to me today. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate you.[00:21:06] I'm excited to share that Solomon's talk is now on YouTube. Check out these interviews on our new channel. Solomon's talk TV there. You will actually see the interaction between myself and my guests. You will also. Find bite size clips of daily inspiration to help you manage the struggles of everyday life.[00:21:25] So click Solomons, talk TV below to watch now.