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SoloMoms! Talk
April 11, 2021

Empty Nest Over 50: The 3 M's of Success - Part 2

Empty Nest Over 50: The 3 M's of Success - Part 2

On this episode, I talk about the 3 M's of being an empty nester over 50 after mothering solo.

Takeaways:

  • our mindset has to change
  • Since there's no spouse to connect with or focus on you now have find ways to focus on your own needs and goals
  • to avoid or mitigate empty nest syndrome, take action so you can momentum

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Transcript

J. Rosemarie 0:00This week I wanted to focus on three things as it relates to being an empty nester over 50, after mothering solo. [show intro] tired, weary, frustrated, what would you be doing if you weren't raising children alone? What's stopping you from living your best life now, on solo mom's talk, I discuss with solo mothers, the challenges you face raising children alone. So if you're a working solo mom, dealing with independent children, insensitive bosses, weight and health issues, or even death collectors Join us as we discover your path to get and stay healthy, increase your income, and live with joy and purpose.J. Rosemarie 1:10so the first thing I want to talk about is our mindset. Our mindset, when we're mothering solo, is going to be totally different from what it is now that we're an empty nester. Or it's gonna start to shift whether we want in or not, if we're transitioning, if we're still transitioning, the kids are still at home, but they're, they're growing, or they're adults, or they're planning on going off to college or something like that. So our mindset has to shift, we have to pivot from thinking, only focusing being consumed in a good way with the welfare of our children to thinking focusing on us as solo moms. So we're no longer using all our energies on our children, we now have to focus on ourselves, it's just life, it's just the way life works when the nest is empty. Now, the thing is that if you're married, if you're coupled, your focus would now go toward rebuilding or building a relationship, a new type of relationship with your spouse, you know, or maybe you guys can start working on the dreams that you had before you had children, or while you were raising children. Unfortunately, if you if there is no one, there is no husband, then it's just you. And so the mindsets going to be different. And unfortunately, some people break up, as soon as the kids move out. And you know, it's a sad fact of life that happens. But I'm focusing now on you who've been mothering solo for the past, you know, 15 2030 years, and the children are either ready to go, or they're on their way out, or they have already left. So mindset is key, it's key to everything. But in this case, it it can be a tricky, a very tricky thing to navigate. Because here you are for decades, you know, always focusing on your children's need, and all of a sudden, and listen, we already, even while we are monitoring solo, we have this guilty feeling. Because we don't want to spend any time on ourselves. We don't want to practice self care. We don't want to go on vacation and stuff like that. And so it takes some concerted effort to change the mindset from thinking about her. I'm thinking about him. The kids, too. Now. Um, it's just me. So you, you know I woke up one day and it was just me and I have to think about myself. And it's not an easy transition. I was in Victoria Canada last year, and I was just taking an extended vacation and I was shopping in Whole Foods. I was I was enjoying my time it was the weather was nice. And I was shopping for fruits and vegetables. I was excited to see all the fresh fruits and vegetables from the saanich Peninsula. And you know, I was reaching for a plum. It was an organic plum and it looked really really nice and juicy and my mouth was watering. But as I reached for the plum, I felt a stab after guilt. And I was like I couldn't get this weird feeling out of my gut. That told me I had to go back home and as IJ. Rosemarie 5:00

I was headed back to my Airbnb. I pondered why I felt so guilty. Like, why did I feel guilty treating myself to an organic plum. In Canada, my youngest at the time was 25. Ironically, unbeknownst to me, he was already searching for his own place to live. And it dawned on me that I solo moms. And for me, I'd focus all my attentionJ. Rosemarie 5:29on the needs of my children. And that time away was for me, I was taking care of me, I was trying to stay healthy, and all of that. And so that's an example of how difficult it can be to just change that mindset from, you know, one forecast to focusing on yourself, I wanted to spend a lot of time on that, because that is so important. And it's the foundation for, you know, for everything we do in life is that our mindset term ins, our action, our mindset determines my next point, motivation, your motivation is going to change. And you have to accept the fact that, whereas in the last 20 years or so, everything you did, every action you took, whether they were good or bad, it's not about that was motivated by your love for your children, by your desire to help your kids get better, be better, right? Now your motivation changes, it changes whether you want it to or not. And so your motivation is now what's good for you, what works for you, what is going to better your life going forward, your why now is you and it's not like a mimimi thing, it's, it's just that now, instead of the needs of the kids being your motivation, your needs are now your motivation. So that is my second point is that the motivation change. If it doesn't change, what's going to happen is you might find yourself in a situation where you have what they call emptiness syndrome. Because you, you're still missing the children, you're you're you're sad that they're gone. And you found yourself alone. And that's not a very, that's not a very nice feeling to feel alone. So the motivation now is what do you want? figure that out? What is it you want? What is it you've always wanted? Did you want to travel? Did you want to? Were you were you finding yourself not having enough time to focus on a hobby or a side hustle? Did you want to quit your job and start a business, learn a new language, or something? Did you just want to downsize or, you know, whatever it is, that's your new motivation, the plan for your life. This is where you start to set goals, concrete goals, write them down. In writing those goals down in thinking about them, writing them down, you can create my third point, momentum, you can create that momentum to move forward in whatever you want in life, whatever those goals are. And listen, they This is a time when you can set some more examples for your children. Show them what's possible. Yes, maybe during the last 20 years, you weren't able to focus on these things you were just surviving right now is the time to show them once possible. You are an individual with goals and dreams build momentum by setting goals writing them down and take that first step. So for example, let's say you wanted to travel and maybe you just wanted to travel, you know on vacation, now is the time to look at the calendar and start to set some priorities. Talk to your boss, if you have a job and see what time you could take take that first step if you if weight loss and getting better helpfully is your goal. Start to research ways you could support yourself join a Facebook group or start walking go to the spa. And this bar doesn't have to be some elaborate expensive stuff, although why not but just simple things like having a sauna. I used to go for weekly saunas because it helps to flush toxins out of your system that is not medical advice. It's just something I do and it really helps me helps meJ. Rosemarie 10:00Feel better. So one we need to change our mindset from being a parent, a solo parent of children we have we are focused on we we have to take care of because they're, they're our responsibility. Number two, our motivation now changes to whereas we used to focus on the needs of our children, we now have to focus on our own needs. And three by recognizing that our motivation has changed. Now we need to set goals and write them down and do the research and the legwork necessary to develop the momentum to reach those goals. I hope that helps you. I hope if you're over 50 you're an empty nester or becoming one and you've been mothering soul that this has helped you because this is where I am at right now. I'm an empty nester, I'm enjoying it. I'm traveling. I'm actually was enjoying some time with my granddaughter when she wants to talk to me, but um, let me know what you think. And drop me a line. My email is in the show notes. Yeah, this is something I'm really excited about. Because I have a lot of goals and dreams I want to travel and I want to make new friends and learn new things Thank you want to live longer. Studies show that maintaining healthy connections help you live longer. With that in mind, why not join our next solo moms talk monthly meetup. Click the link below and join the waitlist for subscribing. And for a limited time only. You will get a free download of my latest ebook, The Solo Mom Manifesto. So click the link now and register to connect with moms just like you take a break and let's connect and enjoy my free copy of the Solo Mom Manifesto as my gift to you. Thank you.