Discovering Your Sense of Self w/Eleni Fuiaxis

J. Rosemarie: [00:00:00] my guest today is Elani Fuiaxis. I hope I pronounced. that right Eleni. Thanks for coming. thanks. Eleni Fuiaxis: Thanks. Close enough. It's Fuiaxis J. Rosemarie: but it's okay. Thank you. Thanks for coming and talking to me today on SoloMoms! Talk . It's a pleasure to have you.

Eleni Fuiaxis: Thank you so much, Rosemarie. It's a pleasure to be here.

Thank you for having me. I have a special place in my heart for

all moms. J. Rosemarie: Okay, good, good. Well, you know, we're special, so

we really are. Yeah, we truly are. Okay. So before you tell me what you do, tell us who you are, who is Eleni? Eleni Fuiaxis: So I am Mother of two teenage boys. And I'm also, he I'm located here in New York and I've been an actress and a model for over 20 years. But last year during the height of COVID, I got certified to teach. And there was a huge shortage, [00:01:00] especially here in New York, they were in dire needs. So I decided I wanted to really give back to my community and specifically to the children. Mm-hmm and so I became certified and I've been teaching ever since. So I'm a certified elementary school teacher in the DOE, which is the system that runs. The public schools here in New York city. J. Rosemarie: Okay. Yeah. My, my kids went to school in New York city, so I'm familiar with it. oh, okay. So you have some Eleni Fuiaxis: New York vibe in you too. Oh yeah, J. Rosemarie: absolutely. I love New York. Eleni Fuiaxis: it's an amazing J. Rosemarie: city.

Yes. Yes. Okay. So you're a, solo mom and I always wanna know this story. How did you become a, solo mom. Eleni Fuiaxis: So I've been, I was married for 20 years and then my marriage fell apart. It started to come undone at the time I had, I was. I was telling [00:02:00] stories to my children and I was trying to put them to sleep and I would be so tired. I would have, I was working full time and I was juggling a million things and I would get so tired. And my children started saying to me, I was making, made up stories, Rosemarie and my children would. Mommy, write it down, write it down. They would fall asleep and wake up the following morning. And they would say what happened to Christopher? Did he make it back to save the world? And I would say, I don't remember. I'm exhausted. And they would say, write it down, write it down. As I started collecting my stories and writing them down, my marriage kind of fell apart. Mm. And then when that happened, I really lost myself. I just became, you know, confused about my future.

I felt like the family unit was falling apart. I lost. My stories, because I had found a publisher at the time who wanted to publish my [00:03:00] story and I had a contract with them. I had hired someone for illustrations. And then at that point, everything started to unravel and it was a really dark period in my life to be honest. Right. And that's when I really started my self discovery and that's really a pivotal time in my life. I never thought that I was an author. It's not something I had really even envisioned for myself and through the self discovery process and it, that included therapy, Rosemary, it included self education and taking classes and doing reading. A lot of meditation. And self-reflection, I found that I had stories that I wanted to share, and my children inspire me to share them with the world. And my son will never forget this. He came home one day and he said, Mom, did you write your stories [00:04:00] down? And I said, no, it's not that simple. And he said, well, I know where we're gonna sell your books. We're going to make some lemonade and we're gonna put a stand in front of the house. And I asked my teacher Ms. Clancy, and she said, we could use her copy machine and we could just make photocopies of your book and sell them in front of the house. And I thought, oh my God. So endearing. Yeah. Only was that simple.

Mm-hmm mm-hmm . So at that point, this was eight years ago is when my single mom journey began. Okay. And interestingly enough, at that point is really when my self, as an author also started to develop mm-hmm and eight years later, I just published my first children's book. J. Rosemarie: Oh, okay. Congratulations. Eleni Fuiaxis: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So it's been a long road. J. Rosemarie: Yeah, absolutely. So I hear the word self a lot in your, in your explaining how things were or [00:05:00] how you became a, solo mom, do you think that maybe. You you lost, are you thinking you lost your identity during your marriage and Eleni Fuiaxis: absolutely. All right. Yeah, I really do. J. Rosemarie: Okay. And looking back, what does that look like?

Eleni Fuiaxis: It's, I, I definitely, I think I was married for 20 years. Mm-hmm , which is a really long time. What happened is when I got married, my children became the center of my universe. And I know that there's so many moms out there that once they bring children into the world, that's what happens. And it's a very natural progression. Yeah. Especially when you're, you know, loving and caring for someone else. They become the center of your universe. And I think that I started to lose my own voice. I started to definitely I wasn't paying attention to the [00:06:00] things that were nurturing , myself and my soul. Mm-hmm it was all about Zen and Billy, Billy, and Zen, and giving to them and doing for them. And I loved all of that and I enjoyed it, but the more that I was doing that. I noticed that myself was becoming smaller and quieter. And I lost touch with that girl with that person. Yeah. And then when I finally got my head above the water, Rosemarie, it was very emotional because I was like, I don't even know who I am. I don't know what brings me joy aside from my children. We're not talking about the kids now. Mm-hmm aside from my children, aside from motherhood. What will bring me joy? Who am I? What is my purpose in life? Yeah, I had no answer at that time. Honest to God. Yes. And it took me eight years of self discovery and work on [00:07:00] myself, doing work on myself to figure out like, what do I enjoy doing? What is my greater purpose, especially now that my children they're teenagers. And they're more self-sufficient. I'm saying, okay, I've done, you know, the foundational work that we need to do when they're young and when they're children and they're deeply in our care and under our wings. So I feel like I've done that now that I've done that I can turn the focus back to my myself. So who am I? And it's interesting because I was meditating aa lot. Doing a lot of meditation and yoga. And I remember once I turned on a meditation, it was Deepak Chopra and Deepak and Oprah did something together. And the, I remember the title was who am I? And I played the, who am I meditation? And [00:08:00] at the time I had like little bits and pieces of stories that I had written down.

But when I finished that meditation, I was getting ready for work. And something inside me, like my deep intuition said, get to the computer and you have a story to tell and write it down. And I was like, I kind of struggling with myself. Like, I don't have time for this right now. I'll do it later. And I was like, You need to sit and be still. Yeah. And go write, you need to write, write it down. Yeah. So I sat down and this story poured out of me. I have struggled to write other things, but this story right after that, meditation just poured out of me. Almost like tears or blood would flow. It was incredible. I've never experienced anything like that. And I realized when I looked down that I had written my first children's [00:09:00] book, exactly the way it's published today, I didn't do the illustrations, but almost word for word, except for some editing. That's the story that poured out of me. And this was a huge awakening because I was like. am I an author? I get, I was asking the question. Who am I? Yeah, yeah. And the answer, the resounding answer that I was getting. Writing. Yeah. And sharing stories. Yeah. And storytelling. And I was like, that was never a part of my identity up until then. Right. I was embracing it to do it for my children when they were like, mom, write these stories down, you know? And I, I wanted to keep my promise to my children and they inspired part of that journey. But this has taken me on a completely different ride. Rose Marine. Yes. J. Rosemarie: And, and we'll talk about the book in a minute, but I ask you that question because a lot of times when our [00:10:00] marriage end we kind of get lost. We're not even asking the questions because we don't know that we should be asking that question. And, and so we get lost and we, we spiral out of control and we end up suffering because we don't take care of ourselves. So that's why I ask, because it seems you quickly realize that you needed to ask that question that you, you ask. Who am I? And you found the resources to help you unravel who you are. Yes. Who you are. Yes. And then, you know, because you, you were searching, you got the answer in that children in the, you know, the children's book. So yeah, I, that's why I asked question.

Eleni Fuiaxis: Yeah. I love that question. And I love the word unravel because that's exactly what it was, but I feel like Rosemarie, when we're in a place where. We are ready. You have to be ready. Like you said. Yeah. I was looking for those [00:11:00] answers and I was doing my work mm-hmm I was going to therapy and I was trying to Find the pieces of me that made me hold as a person separate from my children. Yes. And I think that that's such an important message. Mm-hmm of all the moms out there listening, because we were a whole person before we birthed our children. Yes. And we should stay complete our entire lives. Yes. And sometimes when we. When the marriage is coming apart and there's something that's broken, it's very difficult and challenging, and we might lose our way. What I always share with other moms is when we're we feel broken, there are cracks, but that's where the light gets in. Yes, yes, definitely. And you have to be ready to see the light and receive the wisdom that comes along with it. Mm-hmm and I really don't. I really believe if I was not. On that path of self discovery with meditation, with therapy, [00:12:00] with trying to figure out what I enjoy doing and what brings me pleasure. And what's my greater purpose. Yeah. What is my greater purpose. I was working, acting and modeling and I, I was thriving and it was a wonderful career. And I still do that to this day. And I'm like, wow, I can't believe at 52 years old, I'm still in this industry, but I never felt like it was my calling. And as soon as I started writing, And sharing this children's book. I was like, wow. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm certain, this is my calling and it's a whole new world. It gave me so much clarity and passion. For purpose J. Rosemarie: mm-hmm mm-hmm yes. Eleni Fuiaxis: That I never had before. Yeah. And it's a gift and I believe that all of us has it inside us. J. Rosemarie: Yeah . Yes. You have to search for it to find it. Yes. There's a, I don't remember the name of the person now, but he has a, an acronym [00:13:00] ASK and I use it, but I also use it in the, the scriptural sense. Ask, can you shall receive seek an initial find, knock an, you know, it shall be open unto you and I've really gravitated to the word seek because I find that when you seek.

Even if it's in your head, the answers come. If you're looking, if you are, if you're seeking the answers will come and you'll find them. So that's, that's what happened to you. And that's what we see, you know, unfold in your life. So tell us about the book. Okay. Tell us as much as you can about the book.

Eleni Fuiaxis: Okay. I would love to. So the book is called Picky Patrick and it's really about this. This story is resonating with a lot of parents. This is the, the cover. Okay. And this is really resonating with a lot of children and parents because it's about an eight year old boy who seemingly has it all, but [00:14:00] he's still picky and he is still dissatisfied. And I think that that resonating. I see it resonating very much with children. I read it aloud to my, my students and I'm like, Patrick was very picky. Are you picky? And they're. No. And then I see their moms going. Yes. . Yeah, yes. Yeah. And then sometimes the kids will say, well, I don't like peas, or I don't like, you know, certain things in, you know, with food. A lot of them relate picking as to food. Right. But it's really beyond food. It goes way beyond food. What's really special and unique about this story is I recognize that. I was telling my children stories and weaving values into every single story. Mm-hmm because as a mother, we are, so we don't have enough time in the day.

So when I was taking time to tell [00:15:00] them stories or read them stories, I was like, I needed something that was gonna do double and triple duty. Yeah. Yeah. And I recognize. That's what I wove into this story. It's this little boy who has self awareness. And through this story, it's kind of like a journey because he starts off, you know, one way and ends up being completely different. Mm-hmm and. It's, there's definitely a journey of self discovery. And this book really promotes SEL, which is the acronym for social, emotional learning. Okay. Which is part of the core curriculum now in New York city. I didn't even realize when I started to write this book eight years ago, that that's what it was. But basically I was like, as a mom I want my children to have values. Yes. I want them to understand gratitude. Mm-hmm I want them to be self-aware. I want them to [00:16:00] have tolerance. I want them to be inclusive of other children and to be kind and have empathy. And I was like, how can I. As a mother and now budding author weave these lessons into the stories. Yeah. And I've managed to do that, and that's, what's really powerful about this book and really unique about it. So it weaves the lessons into the story. And then also at the end of this story, I had never seen this in a children's book. What I did was I added prompts. So there's 14 questions at the end of the book. Mm-hmm and they ask you, so it's basically a resource for teachers or single moms or parents or grandparents, a lot of times as single solo moms, grandparents, or helping take care of the kids. Yes. Or we to them. So you are reading this story. You get to the end of the story. There are questions there, and it's a wonderful [00:17:00] tool. If you just ask the questions, they really lead to the, the discovery that children are having. Mm-hmm after reading the story. Yeah. So I'll give an example, like I'm reading it in the classroom. So I say to my class, I'll do a read aloud and then I'll say, okay. Patrick had a problem in this story. And he asked for help.

When you have a problem, do you ask for help? 80% of the class is going no, mm-hmm, you're shaking the head and IM. Why don't you ask for help? And they're like, I'm scared. Mommy's gonna get mad. sometimes they say, you know, I'm too nervous to tell someone. So I'm like, how do you solve your problem? Right? Yeah. You know what they say to me, Rosemarie, they start sharing. They're problem solving skills and they say, oh, I talk to my pets. Another student says, yeah. And I love that. I'm like, wow. [00:18:00] Okay. Does that make you feel better? How many pets do you have? I kind of engage with them and it's a way to organically connect with children.

Mm-hmm because children see themselves in the character. And then as you talk about the character, they talk about how it pertains to their own life. Yes. So I say, okay, you're not asking for help. What do you do? I talked to my pets. Another student said, I like to draw. Another student. So they were all sharing their problem solving and self soothing skills. And I was like, wow. Yeah, this is invaluable. J. Rosemarie: Yeah, it is. And, and that, that's very helpful to see how they express themselves differently, but it also exposed the fact that they're carrying their own load, which is not really good for them. Cause that's what the parents there for. Eleni Fuiaxis: Well, I agree with you. Yeah. But that's why it's so important for [00:19:00] the, for the parents to read this, like I said, or the caregiver. Yeah. You know, because it's important if you're reading those questions and you're asking the questions because that's a tool and a resource, once you buy the book, What you said was so insightful. It's important for the mother to acknowledge my child is not asking for help. Right. Or my child thinks I'm going to get angry. Yeah. Maybe I'm responding in a way that is coming off angry, or maybe I need to, you know, take a breath. Yes. And, you know collect myself and gather my thoughts before. I address the situation or whatever it is that's happening.

Mm-hmm sometimes we don't realize that our kids don't think that they can come to us with certain things. So this raises a lot of great questions and then parents can make those connections. Yes. And then they could say, okay, what's you know, something you wanna share or how can [00:20:00] we have this conversation?

Or what's something you would like to share and, you know, I promise mommy's not gonna get mad. Right. Or share something that happened at school today that you wanted to tell me sometimes Rosemarie, we don't give them the place or the space. Yes. Yes. We, they see how busy we are. Yes. And they need to know. I see you.

I hear you and you matter. Yes. And I promise you, once you turn your phone off mm-hmm and once you shut those devices down yes. And they see that you are engaged and committed with them. You would not believe the things that they will start sharing. Yeah. And it's such a powerful thing as a mother. Yes.

To hear those things from a child. Yes. And to know those

things.

J. Rosemarie: Yes. And they have a lot to say and very profound things too. my [00:21:00] boys are like that. Yeah.

Eleni Fuiaxis: From them. Yeah. Yeah. Believe me. It's an incredible gift that they give me every day. It's such a privilege. Yes. They share so much. Mm-hmm and they know I, I, they, they just.

Are genuinely innately innocent and they're built to share. Yes. Yeah. Adults are not like that. We start as we get older, right?

J. Rosemarie: Yes, yes. Yes. They,

Eleni Fuiaxis: the children are not like that. No. So that's why I'm so thrilled about these questions for discussion, because any parent or care. You know, even in the schools, they can use it as a resource in the classroom to share and have these discussions with the children.

Yes. And you know what, now's the time Rosemarie, it's been two years in New York. They have lost two years of education, formal education in the classroom, in the classroom and socialization. So now is the time. To [00:22:00] stop and disconnect. I'm really on a mission to reignite reading and literacy and storytelling in schools.

Mm-hmm , mm-hmm because it's magical and it's so profound, the connection that you can make with these students. Yes.

J. Rosemarie: Yes. True. True. All right. Thank you. I like that. Okay. So what is Elini grateful for today?

Eleni Fuiaxis: Oh, wow. That's a great question. I'm grateful to be here with you. And I'm grateful that I'm at the point where I am not, you know, a famous author.

I'm not a famous speaker, but I feel grateful that I have a place in my heart. That I wanna share and lift somebody else up mm-hmm and that I'm able to do that because no matter how dark or difficult our day gets, we always have, you know, something we could share that will lift somebody else's spirit.

Yeah. So I'm grateful to be here with you and to have this, to share because. [00:23:00] I really believe that it's, it's a gift. Mm-hmm we all have a gift inside us that we can share with someone else and it will lift their spirits. And I really believe Rosemarie that everybody has the story in them.

J. Rosemarie: Yes, that's for sure. that's true. That's why I always wanna hear them

yes. All right.

Eleni Fuiaxis: Yes. Everyone has a story in them. Yeah. And yes, my heart is just full of gratitude for being here and talking to other moms out there. Take care of yourselves, give yourself grace, give yourself, kindness. And that's the way the children learn.

Yeah. A lot of parents, I see parents being so hard on themselves and they tell their kids. To, to be kind and to be patient, to have grace. And I'm like, they have to see it from us.

J. Rosemarie: Mm-hmm , mm-hmm they have to experience it.

Eleni Fuiaxis: So we stop and we, yes. Yes. When we stop and we start taking care of ourselves, they [00:24:00] start seeing it.

Yes. We're not just seeing it. Yeah. They're seeing it and their experiencing it through us. And we're modeling that behavior. Yes. And that's a gift we can give to our children. Mm-hmm .

Yep, absolutely true. So how can we get in touch with

you so you can follow me on Instagram my handle is @elenifuiaxis.nyc and then also @elenifuiaxis on Twitter.

And the, the book you can buy on Amazon, amazon.com. Okay. Picky Patrick. And there's more manuscripts coming. Okay. So I have three more finished manuscripts, so, oh, working hard, juggling

it all.

J. Rosemarie: That's great. Looking forward to that. And do you have a website?

Eleni Fuiaxis: Yes. Well, I'm, I'm building my own website. It's going to be the .

www.kidswelove.com, but you can go to www.mascotbooks.com and just search for picky Patrick right

now.

J. Rosemarie: Okay. All right. [00:25:00] So we'll put the links to your social handle on the show notes. So people could. reach out to you and like your, like your post and stuff and follow fantastic. Yeah.

Eleni Fuiaxis: And share, share thoughts and energy and yeah.

What books are, what books you're reading to your children. Yeah. I love getting in mom groups and seeing what moms are reading to their kids. And yeah, like I said, we have so little time now in the day and we're being pulled in so many different directions now more than ever. That I really think if you're gonna pull out a book like this book teaches opposites, it teaches animal recognition.

Mm-hmm it teaches gratitude and self-awareness, so let's really be conscious of how we're spending our time, what we're reading to our children. Right. Take the time. You can read this book to them in under seven minutes, I timed it and then take 10 minutes for the questions and the discussion or whatever I'm telling you.

So many moms like call me [00:26:00] or email me and write me and tell me what they learned from their children and how the children opened up. And, oh, I never knew this about my daughter and I never knew this about my son. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that is such a great gift for a parent because you're learning about.

your greatest creation, your child.

J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. All right. So you gave me a few points. You gave us a few points. You encouragement the solo moms. Give me one piece of advice before you go for solo moms.

Eleni Fuiaxis: I really, we hear the, so the time that it takes a village and you cannot do it alone. So it's so important to surround yourself with people.

Likeminded moms, I think is the most important thing mm-hmm . And the other thing is, and it's it's, you can find those moms, you know, on social media platforms in Facebook, it could even be. Because it's so important to start taking [00:27:00] care of yourself. Let's say you enjoy storytelling. There's a group on Facebook for moms that want that wanna go to read aloud.

So maybe you can meet up with other moms and go to a local library where an author like myself is doing a read aloud and this way your children are engaging with other children. You're making connection with other moms and dads and other parents. And you. Like likeminded, you know, activities and the same values.

Yes. So I think that that's a great resource. The other one I wanna add is do I call it a children exchange. I used to do this with my sister. I have three sisters, but my one sister had children who were close in age with my boys and what we did on the weekends, Rosemary, we would swap kids. Mm. So that's interesting sometimes would.

Yeah, she would take my two boys and I would take her daughter and her son mm-hmm . That was really invaluable. And it was nice getting a little break from my [00:28:00] boys. and then other times it's always good to get a break from your own kids. Trust me. Yeah. And then other people's kids usually are better behaved than your house.

They're helping clean up the dishes mm-hmm and do chores. And the other thing we would do. Sometimes I would take, you know I would have my kids and take her kids as well and do find a way when you have someone that you know, and that you trust to find, incorporate an activity that you can do together and then kind of give yourself a break.

It doesn't even have to be a weekend. Maybe you could just go out and have a walk and listen to music. Or maybe you play an instrument and you haven't picked it up since you had your kids. My kids were like shocked that I play tennis because they didn't even know I could play. Right. And I'm like, that was BC before children

So now I start picking up my tennis racket and going and playing with friends. Yes. So. If you [00:29:00] find a community of like-minded parents and friends that you trust, then they could take them to the local library for the Read Aloud. And then you find time. For those things that make your heart sing, that you're passionate about and start filling up your own bucket and your own cup.

And when your children see that you're modeling really, that that's a good thing for them to see as well.

J. Rosemarie: Yes, definitely. Thank you. Yeah, because you know, they can see they, you know, a lot of time we tell them what to do, but most of the lessons learned from what they see you do.

Eleni Fuiaxis: A thousand percent every day.

And I'm, and my children told me recently this past Mother's Day that they're so proud of me for my, about my children's book and for keeping my promise to myself about publishing it because it took me eight years and I got completely derailed. Yeah. And you know it was, you know what I think [00:30:00] that we tell our kids, oh, if you fail, it's okay.

Just try again. But are they seeing us fail? Are they seeing us trying again? Yes. And again, yeah. And again, yeah, so I'm proud of myself for that because. I'm modeling this behavior for my children, because they have seen me down and out. Trust me my, and I'm starting to pick myself back up and find myself and now find my way as an author.

Mm-hmm and now go to schools and do read alouds and inspire other children and other budding authors. Yeah. So they see that it is possible. To fail to lose your publisher, to lose the contract, to lose the job, to lose the friend, to lose the husband mm-hmm , but still find yourself yes. And find your purpose and still live.

A fulfilled life. Yes,

J. Rosemarie: definitely. Definitely. Thank you Elaine, for coming and talking to us today. Thank you. Yeah, [00:31:00] it was, it was a pleasure. I really

appreciate you.

Eleni Fuiaxis: Thank you so much. The pleasures, all mine. . Thank you so much for what you're doing. Rosemary. It's such a wonderful mission and wonderful podcast.

This is a great resource.

Thank you for all moms.

J. Rosemarie: Thank you. Thank you very much,

Eleni Fuiaxis: God bless.

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